happy.thanksgiving

i'm finally in a good place...i feel happy, truly happy. mariah and i were talking this week and i feel like finally everything is going the way it's supposed to be. now i know that sounds crazy because everything is always like that, but i think i must be finally accepting the way things are going and that alone is leaving me with a more positive outlook on life itself. the lack of negativity and self-doubt help to make life easier and more enjoyable....imagine that?!

this week is going to be fantastic! dana and sean are both coming home tomorrow for thanksgiving...we're all running a 5k on thanksgiving morning {brrrrr} and of course going shopping at midnight like all the crazies do, which i'm totally okay with! then a full weak of laughing and playing with family and friends...best of all, no work and no school for 5 days straight! i know i probably sound like i'm way over exaggerating how great that alone will be, but i need this break and this nice little time to breathe!

i honestly can't believe how fast this year has flown by! the other day i bought my day planner.calendar for 2011 and was filling it out, and seriously am blown away by how much has happened in the past year and yet how fast it is disappearing...but i do have to say that i'm very much looking forward to the new year beginning....i thought 2010 would be on of the most life altering years of my life, and it was...but in a completely different {and dare i say, 'better'} way than i know i was thinking it would a year ago....

i'm going to post these pictures that we had taken by swensen.photography and we just got the copyrights for to show how much i love my family and couldn't have made it through this year without them....

i hope everyone has a memorable thanksgiving and doesn't forget to whom we must ultimately show all of our gratitude....for these things, i am thankful....

p.s. i just got news that our school is closing tonight on account of a blizzard!!! and we get our hours for it?!?!? i'm tellin' ya....

i.love.my.mariah

what should be an extremely hard week has been an exceptionally good week...there's definitely a lot of different people to thank for that especially my heavenly father and the constant companion he is. but i do have to thank mariah. she's not only my sister, but most literally one of my 6 eternal best friends who is truly there for me whenever i need her. i love her and i love all my family for that matter!

i had not only one but two conversations on the phone with dana this week which was a nice change of pace and made me so excited for her to come home. she's such an inspiration and it was so fun to hear her voice and all of her stories. plus, she's a great listener which is what i needed. she's coming home in less than two weeks too!!!! yay!

constance, jory, jules, katrina, breck, curtis, becca....just to name a few more who deserve special thanks you's...

also i have to thank someone else, but i'm not sure if i'm ready for this person to make their debut on my blog just yet, but this person has been so great and understanding and patient and more than i could ever deserve or ask for and all the above...

for all these things {people}, i'm grateful!

let me leave you with this...

"for a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something. you want it to be with someone you can't get out of your head, so that when your lips finally touch you feel it everywhere. a kiss so hot and so deep you never want to come up for air... when you find that right person for a first kiss, it's everything."

- grey's anatomy-

identify your coping mechanisms....{jenny morrow}

a coping mechanism is a strategy used to deal with suffering, discomfort, fear, abandonment, and pain. they are natural, "mortal" responses (fight, flight, & freeze responses) created in out childhood for emotional (& sometimes physical) survival. if they were not created by and used by a child, the child would be overwhelmed. a coping mechanism is a way to construct boundaries to protect the personality.

the problem is that most of us continue these coping mechanisms into adult life, which then continues an erroneous pattern of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that are use whenever the person is in discomfort (their perception of being physically or emotionally unsafe). the result is that the situation or problem creating the discomfort is not evaluated as an adult but is reacted to through historical (child) thinking. the person reacts to a situation as if it is the same unsafe situation it was in childhood. ["i am afraid of men."] the true event is lost in the coping mechanism reactivity which re-enforces the feelings of fear even when the situation is safe. the focus then is upon the doing of the mechanism to stay safe. this prevents taking in new information, awareness, and feelings that would provide the ingredients to a rational response.

the following reflects many of the common coping mechanisms carried over from childhood by adults (or created later in life in response to emotional overwhelm that is still viewed from helpless, childlike perspective).

deny having a problem.WITHDRAWAL.rationalizing.FORGETTING.sleeping a lot.CREATING CHAOS.hiding behind partner.OUT-OF-BODY.not sleeping.REPEATING ABUSE.avoiding men.DEPRESSION.avoid discussing abuse.ANXIETY ATTACKS.feeling guilty.BLAMING SELF.blaming others.NEGATIVE SELF-TALK.victim of life.DISTRUST OTHERS.physical problems.OVEREATING.under-eating.ANGRY OFTEN.crying inappropriately.ACT CONFUSED OR DUMB.substance abuse.PASSIVE BEHAVIOR.underachieving.OVERACHIEVING.dissociating.TRANCE.self-mutilation.HYPER-VIGILANCE/EASY TO STARTLE.overspending.HOARDING.suicidal thoughts.PROMISCUOUS.act out violently.OVER-EXERCISING.take what is said or done personally.STAYING BUSY TO AVOID FEELING & THINKING.need to be in a relationship to feel okay.UNABLE TO DEFINE WHAT I NEED OR WANT.rigid and controlling behaviors-coercion, advice giving, manipulation, acting helpless.IGNORE PROBLEMS OR PRETEND THEY AREN'T HAPPENING-DENIAL OF IMPACT, EFFECT, OR IMPORTANCE.will not set boundaries in relationships to insure my rights are respected.SEXUAL ISSUES IN MARRIAGE.staying in unhealthy or abusive relationships

-Jenny Morrow/Licensed Individual, Marital, Family, & Group Therapist

she's really such an amazing person and everything she says to me or talks to me about, i am continually amazed with how right on she is! i love her and i love seeing her.....well on a totally different note....

a vintage poster has quickly turned into a fav of mine. i ordered and received this poster below, but of course in the {butter.yellow} color...i think it will be perfect for right over my crafting desk.station.corner!

another thing that i have been loving so much is this sign that i made that goes above my bed...i got the idea from blogger 'julie parker photography' who got her idea from blogger amy at 'sweet sweet life'...

this one above is amy's...

this one above is julie's...


and these above are of mine....taken via blackberry and in awful lighting, but i'm in LOVE with it!!! it puts me in the best mood every time i go into my bedroom....

all of this room modifying has come from lil' mariah who has been obsessing literally over getting to move into dana's bedroom and decorate it just how she wants. luckily, i had a night off of school last week so we went shopping...we started off with a few baked goods from kneaders, headed to ikea, and of course ended up at a shoe store....i love her though...definitely my best friend, well one of them at least...



no we didn't buy those hats, but we definitely should have....

All because two people fell in love...

My parents just recently had their 26th wedding anniversary, so i just wanted to take a minute to say how amazing they really are and how much i love them. They truly are such an adorable couple and they mesh so well together. I'm sure a lot of people would question the truthfulness to that statement since they seem so entirely different, but as i've gotten older i've really began to notice how well they work together and how much they love each other...

My mom and i were never really very close, for a lot of reasons that mostly stem from my immaturity in dealing with our differences in opinions. Now, since i've moved back home, she and i get along better than i ever thought we could. She truly is such an amazing woman and i learn a lot from her. I know, however, that i still have a lot to learn from her, and whether or not she knows it, she still has a lot to teach me...

My dad and i have always had a very close relationship. If we have ever not gotten along, it's almost always been because of our lack of communication, or simply from his worry about the oldest growing up too fast. He talks to me about everything, whether i want to or not. This has been an incredible help to me growing up and has helped me to always remember that he genuinely does care about me and what i truly want to do in my life.


I know that we were all supposed to be a family and that there isn't anything that anyone could ever do to tear us apart, and that is thanks primarily to mom and dad for being our life preservers in the good and in the bad...

They have been through some really rough and some incredibly miraculous occasions together, and i can't tell them how grateful i am that they have raised us and lived their lives so that our family can be together forever.

You're the most incredible parents and i hope that someday i can be even half the parents you two have been.

Happy 26th Anniversary!!!

Grandma & Grandpa

I know this is going to be out of order, but me being the dummie i am left my camera up at Trevor's house this past weekend so i haven't updated you on my weekend yet, but i did want to talk about my fun day yesterday...

Since i have PTO for work, i took the day off of work yesterday (and school for that matter) to spend time with my grandparents while they are here visiting, and i'm so glad i did! I'm pretty sure they were thrilled too, considering they were here all the way from California, their beautiful little town where i would someday love love love to live. And i know these pictures look much too warm for yesterday, but they're going to have to do since i didn't have my camera.

Anyway, we spent most of the day looking for a mini fridge for them and my Grandpa's most exciting part of the day was he got a new 'pea-shooter' he called it, or in other words, a little pistol. He even said to us that he felt like a little kid on Christmas morning. He truly was the most excited i think i have seen him in a while! They took me and mom to Cafe Rio for lunch and all in all it was such a fun day and i'm really glad that i did it.

Dana Montana

So this is my sister Dana. I call her Dana Montana since she calls me 'Shell' which doesn't really make sense to me but i think it's because my middle name is Michelle and so she just shortened that. But it does make me laugh when other people hear us call each other those because i'm sure they think they've been pronouncing our names wrong for years, when really we're the ones who are wrong...

Anyway, Dana is 4th in line in our family and i would say that out of all our siblings, she and I are the closest. She just turned 17 in August and that girl is going places. She just finished her last season ever on the Alta Lady Hawks tennis team where she won state two years in a row and played all 4 years.

As you can see she is also a knock out. I always get mistaken for the younger one, but it is a little hard to compete with a girl as hot as this. I do regret to say for all you guys who are looking to date this pretty little thing, that she does have a boyfriend with whom she has been with for 6 months next week.

This is Colby and we do love having him around. He just had his 18th birthday which is weird that in less than a year he will be putting in his mission papers, but we're excited for him and really do love having them around. Dana is definitely more happy when he's with her than not, and she's a hard one to tame so we really do appreciate him.

Okay now why am i bringing up Dana? Well she has been applying for colleges lately which totally weirds me out! It seems like there is no way that she is old enough for this. Even weirder, she's really interested in the Air Force and Naval Academy and is willing to do whatever it takes to get in to either of those places. She is so disciplined that i know she would last, but i really can't stand the thought of her being so far away and not getting ready in the morning together and not being able to talk to her anytime i want...

i know it's not the same, but when Rissy moved away, we didn't so much stop talking but have kinda grown apart. We're still best friends and talk whenever we need, but we have our own lives...so i guess i just don't want that same feeling when Dana leaves...

But like i said, i couldn't be happier for her and for where her life is going. I love her so much and just want her to be reassured of that every day!

Olympic Park, Park City

My dad had a convention for his company so on a Sunday afternoon, after we had already been to church, we went up to an event at Park City, Utah's Olympic Park to watch the aerial skiers jump off into a pool. I can honestly say it was one of the coolest things i have ever seen in utah!

If any of you ever have the chance to go i would highly recommend it. The performers were phenomenal and definitely way cooler than i ever could have imagined...

can you say, christmas card?