Friday, February 26, 2010

Birthdays...


as we approach the month of March, it always without fail makes me think about my birthday. of course that makes sense since that is the month that i was born, but it's so weird to think about how fast we get older.

last year, when i turned 20, i can honestly say that i felt different. i don't know how different i felt, but it was the kind of different where you still say your a year younger by accident (what some people might call denial, i call a reality check). that was a reality check and this year even more so...

21

some people might also say that this number shows no significance to those of us who choose to use our age for good, not evil, but it is a big step. you receive power from a number, and with power does come responsibility. the power of 21 is a power that a lot of people choose to not use responsibly, which we can only expect...what i want to know is why people desire this age so badly? when has anyone ever had to lie about their age to get in anywhere except to get the senior special on the early bird buffet?

it makes me think of everything that's going on in my life and where it's all going to go. i do have to say, that the past year has kind of been like a 'groundhog' day kind of year where i go to work, proceed to school, go to church, repeat process...of course in between the repetition there's been a lot of inconsistency in the boy scene, but that was made extremely consistent as well as of last November.

now i don't want to be too confusing because i don't want to come off as a complainer. i'm so happy with myself and my life and the way it's going, but at the same time i hate the feeling that it's not going anywhere. i know it is, i know it, but i can't help but think that it's just standing still in a sense.

i need a pick-me-up, an epiphany, a discussion, ANYTHING that would change this pattern that i seem to be living day by day. maybe it's my fault because it does seem like the only thing that i'm waiting around for it to change is my relationship, but that's a whole lot of reliability on another person and nothing that i can really control. i did shave my legs and that made me feel a whole lot better, but i need something different that i can look forward to, that can get me excited, and get me out of this lull/rut that i feel like i'm living in (i'm extremely open to suggestions by the way)...

i just want to figure out the significance of this number, because it's creeping up on me fast and it does make me feel a little weird, so it'll be interesting to see if anything happens i'd say...

i had to post this picture of the Jimas' twins first birthday...here's to 21 plus more you two!



1 comment:

Jules Morrow said...

Allie, I love you to pieces and miss you so much it is insane. I can't believe the Jimas twins are that old ahhhhh. I hope you find your way out of your rut. I love you and hope you have a great 21st.